Thursday, July 10, 2008

Life in Holland -- For Jen

*I am writing this for you Jen. For you because I know you are hurting right now. And I am posting it here. Because I know there are other mothers out there. Mothers who have also found themselves in Holland and maybe they feel all alone too. *

I know that you are staying offline right now. And I understand. I truly do. I'm going to write this post, and I'm using the imagery from 'Welcome to Holland' that you shared with me.

I’ve been there. Where you are. Where you’ve just stepped off the plane and found yourself in Holland. A whole other country than where you should be. Sure its not the same thing, our children do not have the same problems. I’m in a different part of the country than you. But.

It’s still Holland.

And so. I will share with you my journey. My journey through the landscape of Holland as I have seen it thus far.

There were moments when I was sad, sadder than some people thought I should be. Me, with my living, breathing, child.

And there were times I was scared. More scared than most first time mothers are the day they arrive home for the first time with their new babies.

Plus quite a lot of periods of time when I was angry, Oh I was so angry. More angry that a lot of people thought I should be. Me, angry at the world and everything in it.

And then. Something happened.

Soon I was excited. As excited as any mother is when their child starts talking. .

And I was amazed. As amazed as any mother is when their child starts walking.

And now. Now I am enjoying all that life brings me and my child. All the little things. All the non exciting things to other mothers. Because I know. I’m not watching just any child. I’m not watching some genius child prodigy. I’m not watching someone of no importance. I’m watching my child. And I’m seeing her do things. All kinds of things. And she’s doing them on her own. In her own way. In her own time.

And I realized something. I realized that as Mothers, our primary goal is to see our children succeed. Succeed at whatever it is their hearts desire. Some of our children want to be doctors. Some want to be writers. Some want to stay at home and play video games all day long (Hey, it’s the truth). As mothers, we do what we can to help our children, and we hope they take from us all it is to be a kind, decent human being in whatever they choose to do as adults. Some of our children need more from us than others. And some of our children don’t quite know how to take those two steps away from us. They need guidance. They need love. They need acceptance. Acceptance to do things on their own. In their own way. In their own time.

And it is in that simple truth. That I find, Holland, isn’t all that different from Italy.

So you go a head and be. Be sad. Be scared. Be Angry at the world and everyone in it. Be whatever else you want to be. When you return, we'll walk this path together. And then we will show everyone just how beautiful Holland can be.

1 comment:

RubyRed3 said...

As I type this I am crying so hard I can barely see this.

I have never been one to be good with words.

I am so glad Kris posted this.
It truly does not get better than this with words.

I know as a mom I have had scares with my children health.

I have watched my son struggle with a allergy that never seems to go away.

Or ever will.

So for me, Connor is my little boy from Holland.

I would not trade him back for anything. Him or his allergy.

I truly will NEVER know the hell you are living Jen.

But I want you to know my heart bleeds and aches for you.

We are friends and we are bonded and when you are hurting so am I.

No matter how long it takes you know where I am.

We will just pick up where we left off.

Kris, this above post goes for you too.

~ Jill